So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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