you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
