Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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