i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
