I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
