Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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