the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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