You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm both gender and math confused
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
