I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize