One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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