broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
