can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
