I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
