Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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