i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
