whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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