i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
