May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
