i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
COCAINE IS GR8
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
