Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
