You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
