My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
