do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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