the new term for farting is butt boxing.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
