New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
