You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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