You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
