I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
