She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she told me i tasted like america
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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