Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize