Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
