One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
