how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
