the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
