youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
