i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
