the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
