weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
