What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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