I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
