One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Where is the hickey?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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