I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
please don't ironically join a cult
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