no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
