That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
