Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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