We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
