Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
false alarm. still invincible.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
