i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize