I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize