She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
