K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
tequila makes me forget i have legs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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