i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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