Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Randomize