Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
