i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
