Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
