Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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