I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
