sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
