So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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